I'm fat

Well, not really, but I can definitely stand to lose some weight. Being an identical twin sister is hard when you are the fat one (I am just being funny, no need to feel bad). Jamie is a walking reminder of what I could look like, and well, it starts to wear on ya after awhile.

Before Landmark it was difficult to get me to go shopping, or even just to go out. Finding things to wear was such a chore...my god, I would cry everytime I had to pack to go to Ohio. It was a major problem and it impacted everything and everyone around me as well.

Don't get me wrong, I tend to exaggerate the extent of my puffiness -I can walk through doorways, I only need one seat in airplanes and movie theaters, I can even fit in Carrie's mini. It's more that I am at a point where I am very unhappy with my weight and being able to see what I could be day after day stings a little.

Landmark has made me realize what I need to do...I am asking Jamie to move out. HA! Just kidding, Jamie worked hard to get where she is today. I have always admired her dedication to her body. I am proud of her. We are the kind of identical twins that totally support eachother, jealousy and competition isn't an issue. Thank Dog! Heehee...Anyway, it's time for me to take action on the issue that has impacted my life for a good 10 years - my weight.

Most of the time when I diet and exercise I will lose 12 pounds (that is the standard for me) which will make me think I can eat what I want and will gain it all back. I have never exceeded 12 pounds. I am a walking roller coaster...a cute one at that.

So...with my new motivation on life, this is the task I am going to focus on in the next couple of weeks. It's time for me to get my act together and get to a point where I am happy.

My Success Story Since Landmark
On Monday, Gina and I went shopping. We dropped $1400 on clothes...it was much needed. Anyway, the entire experience was crazy because not only was I having fun, I was on my period which makes me even more bloated than I already am! It didn't matter, I was more focused on getting the clothes I liked rather than concentrating on the sizes. I would try on something, saw it didn't fit and would go to the next size without batting an eyelash. For you people that don't know me...that is like an episode in the Twilight Zone! It's unbelievable!

When we got home, I showed Calen all of my clothes and he said "Wow Jill, I really like this stuff, I didn't know you liked this style". My response, "I have always had this style, but I have been playing fat girl for years". It's true, I didn't allow myself to ever get anything new which made me feel gross and masculine...I am a lady god damn it! Now I am going to act like it. Thanks Landmark!

Tags: weight loss, clothes, twins, body image