Comin Out

When I realized I was gay, it was easy to accept. There was no denying that part of me, especially when it was all too natural living it. Jill went through it first, so I kind of piggy backed through her process. The hardest part for me wasn't the fact I was gay, it was sharing it with the people I love. Most of my coming out stories involved alcohol. I couldn't tell anyone without that liquid courage. I've painted myself as being perfect, so dropping a bomb like that was difficult. I just got out of a marriage to a man and Jill was still struggling with her own gay issues. I didn't know how to approach the conversation because either A.) People would think it was only a phase because of my bad marriage. Or B.) Jill is already gay, now there's two. How can they accept us both?

My story: In order for me to be happy, I needed to "come out" with it. Jill and I flew to Michigan, where Kristen lived at the time. My parents met us there, so we all went out for a night of drinking. I wasn't in a good place at the time because I felt like I was lying to everyone, which was true. My family and I are extremely close, so it really hurt to not be honest. I was keeping a life secret, which left me silent for a whole year. That's a long time to not share something that was so significant to me in my life. Of course Jill and Gina knew, but it was those who didn't live here that I was afraid of.

We were at the bar, drinking, and sharing our stories. I kind of sat there feeling unattached, fearful, and sad. I didn't know what to say because everything that was going on in my life was about me embracing my homosexuality. It was huge and such a big deal, but I couldn't share it. I tiptoed around my thoughts and my stories, being careful and fully aware of what was coming out of my mouth. It was exhausting and not a good moment to be in. I hated myself for my weakness of not owning up to my "real" Being.

My mom wasn't oblivious to me at all. Her motherly instinct told her something was wrong and she called me on it. She cornered me in the bar and asked me what my deal was. She wouldn't let me go until I "spilled" it and that's when I told her I was gay. Her reaction wasn't what I expected. She told me she loved me and wanted nothing more than for me to be happy. At that moment, she put her feelings aside and let me be Me. She saved me from being in-authentic and subconsciously encouraged me to live my own life. I'm forever grateful to have the mom that I do.

My dad was accepting of it as well. It didn't make sense to him at first, but why would it? I was madly in love with a man, married, divorced, and then his other twin daughter was already gay. He let me know that it didn't matter, that he didn't love me any less. He made every effort in the world to be comfortable with us both being gay and thankfully he succeeded. His support alone made all the difference in finding truth and honesty within myself. My dad rocks! He's my role model and my hero.

I've learned that having regret isn't a part of being truly authentic because it doesn't set us free. I get that and live it now, but I must say I felt regretful for a long time for not telling Kristen I was gay. She found out that same night and it really hurt her feelings. It wasn't so much of the shocking news, it was that I kept this secret from her. We were very close before I moved to LA, if not closer than my relationship with Jill at the time. If I could take it back and do it differently, I would...but I'm not going to dwell in it anymore. I made a mistake, she knew it, and still accepted my apology. Kristen is awesome. She really got what she had to do to accept us and to be a part of our lives. I know she wishes she could be more involved and not feel left out, but just by loving and accepting us is what makes our sisterly bond and friendship that much stronger. I hope she knows that because Jill and I both do.

It's sad to think that people can't accept others for being gay, especially when it's family. I don't know what that's like, but I can only imagine how tough it would be. If people would stop trying to dictate others lives instead of their own, it wouldn't be so difficult to accept. People are human beings that were born to love and if it happens to be somebody of the same sex...then good for them for being strong enough to find it. What kind of impact does being gay really have if we're all living authentically? It doesn't. I wish people would get that.

Tags: Gay , Lesbian , Acceptance , Coming Out , Love , Relationships