Being Selfish

I used to be selfish with Jill and Gina. I would expect things from them, even when I didn't deserve it. I'd act, without hesitation, on stuff I wanted to do and not think of their feelings. Of course, when I would see that I hurt them, it would make me feel terrible and regretful. It sucked and it was all because I was self-absorbed. Too much into my own self that I wasn't thinking about how I'd affect either one. My thoughts would only go so far, not for the whole picture.

Being selfish is ugly. I'm thankful that I'm not that person anymore. I'm constantly thinking about my actions, making sure it's not negatively affecting ANYONE around me. I've learned how selfishness really blocks out reality. One is so far gone in their own world, that unreasonable thinking isn't even a possibility. I always say it's the small things that count, and one that is in their own self-absorbed bubble will never see them. It's sad really, it doesn't take much thought to know what those small things are. My excuse was always, "I didn't think about it." Or "I didn't mean to." Or "I forgot." Nahhhh, those don't work. If I really cared, I'd know what to do and what not to do. Those excuses, or even excuses in general, are for people who are oblivious to their own actions and are only thinking of themselves. They will never learn from their mistakes because they're too busy trying to refute blame.

This realization is only one of the many gifts Landmark gave me. I'm grateful for that. It rids me of anxiety, which gives me the ability to take responsibility for my actions. It keeps me complete, a significant part of a life transformation.