It was ALL me.

Before Landmark, I always felt like I was searching for something...

I didn't get why I was so bored and constantly feeling antsy. My thought: "There's nothing to do. I'll just sit around and wait for the fun to come to me."

I didn't get why I was so envious of other people's lives and why my life was so lame. My thought: "It must be that I'm too scared or not strong enough to do what they do."

I didn't get where the loneliness was coming from and why I couldn't find that special lady. My thought: "If I find her then everything will be different and I'll be happy again."

I didn't get why my job was hard to go to every morning, it took me everything I had to get there. My thought: "If I can get through the rest of the year, things will start falling into place."

I didn't get why money was always an issue, I wanted more of it. My thought: "If I win the lottery, all my problems will be solved and I'd never have worries again."

All of these thoughts were taking over my life, leaving me depressed and feeling hopeless. I never stopped to think about where these feelings were coming from. I was too busy blaming the external things and not focusing in on the internal. It wasn't that I didn't get those feelings, it was that I wasn't "getting" myself. I was the problem. Now, I don't get bored...there's ALWAYS something to do. I'm not envious of other people anymore...I'm just as strong and willing to get what I want. I'm not lonely either...I have wonderful people around me and when I am alone, I'm enjoying the time I have to myself. My job was still the same, but my attitude changed. Suddenly, it wasn't a chore and the end of the year was here before I knew it. I've already made a career move, so things WILL be falling into place. Although, I still would like to see more money in my bank account, I know it's not the only thing in life. It's me who makes me happy.

Tags: Mind, Boredom, Loneliness, Money, Career