I get it.

During my conversation with Alice last evening, she said something that has stuck with me all day long. She asked me to consider a reason why I have a hard time being self-expressed is because I am still only for myself and not for others. She said it nicer than that, I'm being direct so you all get it. The minute she said that, I knew she was right. Damn. And, here I thought I was stepping out of my self-absorbed bubble...apparently not. Well, I take that back because that's not entirely true. I AM self-expressed at home, with my family, and a few CLOSE friends. It's everyone else, including ladies of interest, that I close up to and it's because I'm afraid of what they're thinking of me and if I'm saying the "right" things. It's unfortunate, but true.

Self-expression is an unselfish and generous way to be, it's the strongest form of love. When I care enough to speak my mind, be myself, and not think of how I'm being perceived, that's my love coming thru. It happens when I'm not thinking of how uncomfortable I am, instead I'm focused on everything BUT me. I get that now and I'm feeling good that I do. It's going to take courage and a lot of practice, but I am willing to face this challenge because it's the only way I can truly be happy in my relationships and to get everything I want for my life.