Fumbling Words

I just had a great conversation with Luke, one of my SELP group members. We were talking about our lives and asking questions to get to know each other better. He was telling me how his seminar leader said that being open, honest, and direct is the only way to know if a real relationship exists between two people. I couldn't agree more. This statement got me to wonder if everyone has a hard time with communication as much as I do because Luke said he's been doing this more and more with the people in his life. To me, it seemed easier for him. I told him I fumble a lot when I'm trying to open the doors to unfamiliar places, which then stops me in the process. I feel like I sound stupid, I'm forgetting something, or I'm not saying the right thing, which leaves me back to shutting down. After I explained this to Luke, he said, "I do too. My eyes start to twitch and it becomes very hard. But, fumbling is beautiful. It's coming from the heart, that's why it happens." Wow. I never would've thought that before, I never would imagine that fumbling is just an honest way of communicating. That was really cool to hear because I do it ALL the time. Ha! It makes sense though. Anytime I have something I really want to say, something that is coming from my gut, I fumble. Immediately when I catch someone's attention and I know they're listening, my words become harder to spit out. It feels unnatural and overwhelming, it's a struggle for me to have a voice.

Now that this new perception is present to me, maybe it'll be easier to push forward through my communication and I won't stop myself. Maybe I can embrace my fumbling mouth and begin to feel comfortable with verbalizing my thoughts no matter how long it takes me to share my words. Maybe this will be a new beginning of how I communicate...