Separation Anxiety

I've talked to Gina for awhile today. Damn Gina...you got me all choked up again! It was the first time I shared with her since I began feeling down, not believing in myself, and being alone. We got to the source, why being away is so hard for me. I have separation anxiety from my twin and everything that surrounds that. I'm afraid of being alone, I fear that I'll be left alone because I am the "weak" one, I was born that way. I get that now. Jill and I fuck with each other, unintentionally but we see versions that we both "should" be walking around. I see things in her that I want as she does with me. Being a twin is hard, but such a blessing all at the same time. As Gina put it, "We love each other too much." She finds it interesting to watch, in fact she thinks it's adorable. I just find it hard to be away.

That's why I'm here, dog sitting is in my life for a reason. I wrote a previous post about this exact thought. For the past several days, I've felt that I've been weak. Not so, unknowingly to me. I've been the exact opposite. I'm being strong going through my weakness alone. I'm building myself up by being here, dealing with my thoughts, going through my emotions, confronting all of my fears. I'm already feeling better, shit I woke up feeling fabulous! I got through a weekend of self torture all on my own. This is a part of my process and I feel myself getting closer and closer to where I want to be. YAY!