A Perfect Emotional Day

I took a long and soothing bubble bath in their HUGE jacuzzi tub that I will have some day. Hehe. It was wonderful and relaxing, but it did get me into thinking a lot. I realized how exhausting and time consuming having to be perfect is.

It's exhausting because it's not real, which keeps my mind turning the way it does. I'm punishing myself for not saying this perfectly, not doing that perfectly, and not being in my relationships in a perfect way. What's my definition of being perfect you ask? Well, I'm not really sure and that's another reason why I'm tired of it. Perfection is crap, it doesn't exist. It doesn't exist because everyone is entitled to their own opinions, which means not everyone thinks the same. I could do something and one person would think it was great and the next person would hate it. It's exhausting because it makes me hold back, it makes me hold onto feelings that need released in order to free myself up. It's exhausting because it stops me from doing things that I need to do because it has to be right. It's exhausting because I'm not perfect and I'm trying to be.

Having to be perfect is also time consuming. I could do things so much faster if I wasn't afraid to make a mistake. I could release all the anxiety and stress if I'd stop wasting time and say how I feel. I could move on quicker if I'd be real to myself and stop worrying about what others might think. I could have the confidence that I've been searching for my whole life if I'd stop and embrace my imperfections, my vulnerabilities, and truly believe in myself for being only human, just like everybody else.