A New Realization

Yesterday, I had a nice lunch with Julie, a friend of mine that I haven't seen in awhile. She was asking me what I've been doing and I told her about Landmark and about my blog. Right in the middle of my story, she stopped me and said, "You were so open with me when I first met you. You seemed like an open book, not afraid to talk about yourself." Then it suddenly occured to me that she was right. I was very open with her about my life. I've been open to a lot of people about my life, but it's not for the reasons that you may think. I shared things about my life because I was very insecure about them. I hated telling my stories to new people, it made me nervous everytime...but for some reason I felt compelled to do it anyway. I thought, "I am a broken girl and you should know this." That was how I defined myself. Forget the fact that I am a good person, that I make a yummy lasagna, and I love to color my hair every six weeks. No, let's jump right to the bad stuff because that's who I really am. It made me feel better if I would come "clean" from the beginning, that way if they didn't like what they heard, the relationship would stop there and there wouldn't be any surprises if they found out later. That's silly. First, if people judge me for unfortunate situations that happened in my life then they don't deserve to be in it anyway. Second, all of those situations that happened, only happened. They don't say anything about who I am...end of story.