Playing the Victim

The intention of this blog is to help me and to inspire and motivate you. It took me a couple hours of thinking to push the "publish" button on this one. Should I share this part of me? Or should I keep it to myself? Should I? or Shouldn't I? Right then, I had a breakthrough: This is what I've always done. This is one detail of the victim I play. I am indecisive when it comes to certain situations because I'm too scared to decide what's best for me...I have to face my fear now and make this choice."

"I choose to share it- only because I told myself from the very beginning that if I'm going to do this, I'm going to DO this. This means sharing everything that is significant to my life change. If I'm strong enough to let the world see, then I'm strong enough to live for me. Undoubtedly, this is part of my process. Here's my story: I've known for awhile where my head has been all these years. It's not an easy thing to admit or even to fix. It means I have to give up something, a part of me that has been with me almost my whole life. It's time to let go of it...or else I'll never be the person that I want to be. I'll never have the happiness that I deserve. And, I'll never have the relationship that could make my life complete. It is the victim in me that keeps me from all of these wonderful aspects of "living." It's been my safety net, my strong suit that I hide behind. Three major surgeries, a loving family, and a scared little girl will do that to you. It was easy to take the victim role. If I have a problem or I can't do something, someone is going to fix it for me because I'm too fragile to do it myself.

Since the forum, I've never felt more "alive" and "real,"- it's been awesome. I wonder why I thought I needed to play the victim in order to survive. Hmmm...I guess I just answered my own question, "survival." I haven't been "living" all this time, I've been "surviving." Now that I know what I know, I will stay in control so I don't go hiding again.