Last Night

I don't have much to report about last night. When I got to the restaurant, I was really nervous. She walked up and she looked beautiful, a very pretty lady and I could tell her nerves were going too. There was so much small talk, I found myself running out of things to say and questions to ask by the time dinner arrived. There was no depth and it actually began to make me feel uncomfortable. I'm not used to surface conversations, I couldn't bounce my thoughts off her at all. I'm assuming it was too much of an age gap. She's 24 and I'm 29. I didn't think it would make that much of a difference, but looking back, I was probably the same way. She was very nice and sweet, the connection just wasn't there.

We then proceeded to a bar in West Hollywood, where we met up with two of her friends. It was nice to meet them, but I really didn't know what to do with myself. I had several moments where I felt my age completely. The fact that I'm turning 30 this year really shined through for me. It wasn't negative though. I told my household, when I got home, how content I am. I feel lucky to be where I am today, through the hardships and all. I love the way I think and I love being an adult. I'm also enjoying my life, where I don't NEED a significant other to fulfill me. I'm in a really good place...yay!

Anyway, I wanted to make another attempt to connect with her. I thought we're here, why not give it another shot? This is where my Landmark tools kicked in. I approached her after several minutes of complete silence. I said, "I need to be honest with you, I really want to get to know you but I'm having a hard time. I'm not sure what questions to ask, I'm kind of struggling here. Why do you think that is?" Yeah, I tried to get all deep on her, trying to get to the source of why converation was so difficult. It backfired. Ha! I couldn't engage her, but I tried so that's all that matters.

Finally, her and her two friends went out for a dance and that's when I felt it was my time to go. I dismissed myself, told her I had a good time and was home before 11. I was glad I went, to have the dating experience that I've been hiding from for awhile. Now I know what to expect, I feel confident to try it again. There's no settling for me, I have complete control of who I should and shouldn't be with. I'm exactly where I need to be in life, there's no hurry. I love myself and I know my market value. For the first time in my life, I can admittedly say I think I'm pretty great and somebody will be lucky to have me as I would her.