Here's some honesty for ya!...and some vulnerability.

Everything I write is what makes us live powerfully in reality, which would leave us feeling happy, whole, and complete. But don't let me fool you...I haven't been living powerfully at all. In fact, I've been pretending to walk around as if I have all the "right" answers, like I've been living in the power zone so to speak. This week has been a real eye opener for me and today I realized I've been living in a fantasy world, that I AM perfect the way I am, and I still carry around all the garbage as much as the next person does. HA! The only difference between me and them is that I have the tools to acknowledge it, take responsibility for the way I'm being, and recreate myself in a way that gives me back the power.

For the past couple months, I've been living my act of "I'm not good enough," which manifested into anxiety and having the want to "fix" everything about myself that wasn't "right" in my eyes. I wasn't willing to be responsible for who I am and what was so, in any situation. I feared that if I knocked my walls down, then one would get to know me. They'll see that I'm not good enough OR they'll fall in love. Either way, I wasn't allowing it because in my reality, I don't deserve love and I had to be right.

This has been a lot to take in; I'm still sitting with it as I type. It feels so good to finally be able to distinguish what's been in my space. I realized I went back into my old habits, in such a different way that it was unrecognizable to me. I, again, became dependent on other things and not myself. I didn't believe that I could do it on my own, so I'll just take another course to "fix" the problem and become the almighty human! I'm not saying this negatively at all, in fact, I can't help but laugh for the way I've been being. With that said, nothing is wrong here and I wouldn't change a thing. I needed to learn everything I have in order for me to have this HUGE breakthrough. I know myself so well that when something is missing, I feel it, and I'm on it like white on rice. I may not get it right away, but eventually I do. Therefore, it's time to detach myself from all this internal righteousness, take on being responsible, and conquer what real life is about. Making mistakes is all part of the journey and I am totally on board with that!

Now, how's that for a breakthrough? I'll take it!