Strong-minded

My sister-in-law brought up an interesting point today about how strong minds can be. I was hospitalized for major surgery about a year and a half ago. I had 3 IVs in my arm at a time, pumping me full of chemicals. I was freaked out because I felt so unhealthy and completely out of my mind. One night, my sis-in-law volunteered to stay the night with me because I was afraid to sleep alone and I couldn't relax or get comfortable. She actually lay in my hospital bed with me, holding me with the hopes I would finally get some sleep. I refused because I feared that I wouldn't wake up so that's when more drugs came into play. It took 2 rounds of IV Ativan on top of my mass amounts of Morphine to knock me out. And still, I only slept for 3 hours at the most.

My point is that all those crazy drugs BARELY beat my mind. I convinced myself that nothing could make me sleep and I almost made it happen. Minds are powerful and they need to be used wisely or else you won't sleep for a month like me...HA!

Silence

All day today, I purposely focused on my surroundings, looking at details and things that I wouldn't normally notice and found that my voices were magically silent. Okay, maybe not magically, but it goes to show how ALL of us can control these negative feelings and thoughts as we should in order for us to succeed. It was actually really cool to just observe with a blank mind. Colors were brighter, objects were objects and things were things. No meanings, no negativity...just being. This weekend I'm going to sit somewhere that's crowded and see if I can observe my surroundings without making any sort of judgment or form any opinions while I'm watching. I'll report back and let you know how it went!

Madonna

People always have their opinions about Madonna, but I think it's mostly because they're scared of her. She is one of the few people who has always been truly authentic, which has made her looked down upon at times. She doesn't care what people think. She knows what she wants and she makes it happen. I think that's why people don't understand her because they are not authentic themselves. They don't get that she is a "free" human being who gets what she wants, when she wants it because she can. I know I didn't. Now I see Madonna as an empowering woman who has a message for all of us...to be real. Listen to her most recent cd. She is amazing! It's funny because if I wasn't on this path to reinvent myself, I never would have taken the time to understand what she was saying. Her entire cd is about self-empowerment, so when I'm feeling down or even when I'm at my best, I crank it up and get lost in it. It's like a quick fix or a motivator and it works.

First Assignment

Okay, so here's what we need to do: Everyone needs to choose one challenge a week, something that is completely out of the ordinary for you and do it. You can start small like getting up a half hour earlier than your normal time in the morning. Or, not wearing make-up or combing your hair for a whole week to work. These are only examples, so choose something and share with us what your experience was and how you felt during and after it. This is a great way to turn those egos off and to see what YOU can do!

If you are wondering what challenge I took this week, well it would be this blog. I am NOT a writer nor do I pretend to be. This is simply out of character for me to publicly display my thoughts and ideas for the world to see. I was definitely hesitant at first and a little shy, but now that I'm throwing myself into this, I am excited and looking forward to see what this may bring for me and for YOU. I am also tapping into my self-discipline for my dedication to this blog...something that I have lacked in the past. I want this to be a success so I am here to stay and I hope you are too!

I got this idea from Stuart Wilde's book: "Infinite Self."

Yay for Jam-bor-ie!

It's been three weeks since I completed the Landmark Forum. Two weeks ago my family household began planning a day for me...to celebrate my "new" self. They researched high and low, trying to come up with some good ideas to make the day feel like I really accomplished something. My sister tells me not to make plans for this past Saturday that it was going to be a bonding day for us. Of course I was all about it, but had NO idea what was going on or what it was for.

Saturday morning, we woke up pretty early to go to breakfast. I then realized that it wasn't just my sister who was planning this day full of fun. It was my sister-in-law and roommate as well. I was excited but still not getting it. We got into my roommates car and there were fliers taped on the windows, doors and glove compartment. It said that this was "Jam-bor-ie Day" and we were celebrating my new beginnings. It was the sweetest gesture they could've done for me at that moment. They told me they were doing this because I was so up and down with my emotions and they wanted me to know that I had their support...they are behind me 100%.

So we went out to breakfast, they chose one of my favorite restaurants and we sat down to order our food. My sister handed me an envelope, I opened it, and to my surprise, there was a gift certificate for a message. They made an appointment for me at 11 that morning, specifically after our hiking adventure. It was awesome.

The afternoon rolls around and my roommate and I are to meet my sister and sis-in-law somewhere in Monrovia. I had NO idea what we were doing next. We pull up and my sister directs us to go upstairs. We walked into a small waiting area and were greeted by an unfamiliar face. He introduced himself and I still had NO idea what this session was all about. He took us into his office and I was feeling a bit nervous. The office was a psychotherapy room, so the feeling was very cool, mellow and comforting. The music was relaxing in the background and the lighting was low and dim. I felt like I was in a spa. It was great. He began to tell me what I was there for and I was instantly intrigued and very open to what he was going to do...a Tarot Card reading (Yes, there are many fakes out there and my household was very aware of it as they searched for the "right" psychic. All three of them were skeptical, but still wanted to do it.). He explained to me that Tarot Card readings are basically used for people who need direction in their lives. It's another way to further the process of finding your "authentic" self. He was right! I never thought I'd be a believer but everything he read in the cards was exact. In fact, the first thing he said to me was, "Are you writing something? If you are, you should keep doing it." I was floored. He was referring to this blog that I had just started writing before we went and saw him. It was crazy! At the end of my reading, he actually said, "I feel like I should say Happy Birthday to you." How I interpreted it was that he was referring to my "new" self. I don't think I can really explain how cool and real it was unless you've experienced it. Everybody should do this if you find the "right" psychic.

After we left, we went to dinner and then saw a great movie. I loved it. Everything about my day of celebration was awesome. I felt really loved and supported. Thank you to my loving family for everything! It was the best and most thoughtful gift you could've given me. I know what I have to do now.

How this will work.

Those of you who are not familiar with blogging, I would like to explain to you how this will work. Blogs are kind of like journal writing for the authors, like me, who created them. I will post my daily experiences, thoughts, and stories as frequently as I can. I do have a day job so this is where all of you will come in. In order for this blog to work, YOUR thoughts, experiences, and stories are key for this to be successful. I invite all of you to use this as your journal or support system as well. Anything you have to say or want to share should be posted in the comment section to each entry. You can use as much space as you need to tell your stories or to share your thoughts. We all could use the support to begin the new chapters in our lives so please use this to your advantage. We're all in this together.

This blog is for YOU!

I ran into my ex-girlfriend after 8 months of being apart. We sat down and had a great conversation about what we've been up to, who we've been hanging out with, and of course how both of our families were doing. She asked how teaching was going for me and what I was planning on doing after I quit. I didn't have an answer. I felt lost, confused, and let's just say hopeless. She told me of the Landmark Forum that she was attending that weekend and admittedly it sparked my interest. So much that I went to her Landmark graduation and found myself signing up for the next weekend. The seminar itself wasn't the selling point for me, it was me realizing that I needed something to grab onto and Landmark was the hope I had at that time.

The Wednesday before my scheduled forum rolls around and Landmark is calling me to give me the details and wondering if I was excited about "reinventing" myself. I was skeptical and little annoyed by the conversation, I quickly said, "sure" and got off the phone.

I woke up Friday morning feeling a little nervous, anxious, and excited at the same time. I walked into the big room, looking around, and automatically judging and wondering what everyone's problems were...after all, I was the most "normal" one there.

The weekend was emotionally exhausting and such an eye opener experience. I knew going in what my "issues" were and what I wanted to "fix," but I never knew how to do it. I never had the tools.

The Forum was coming to an end on Sunday and not only did I have a new understanding on what life is really about, I learned a lot about myself and about other people. Everyone is the same, nothing more; nothing less...it's just how we perceive ourselves.

Why am I writing this you ask??? Well, I went to my first seminar class and we split off into groups. We had our first group meeting on Monday consisting of 5 other people. We went around the table, taking turns sharing our stories. It was the coolest thing, listening to each and every one of them, getting a feel to who these people really are. One conversation struck me and this is why I am starting this blog. Someone said, "I was feeling great for the three days after the forum but then I kinda went back to the same place where I was before." I then realized that maybe she isn't getting the support she needs to further her "self" process along. Yeah, sure we have the weekly Thursday seminars, but like Landmark says, "Live in the moment." Living in the moment means moment to moment, day by day and if we ONLY have Thursdays, then what about the rest of the week? I started this blog for anyone and everyone to go to for support and to share their stories and breakthroughs. I hope that this helps and we can all live our lives the way we want to.

Now it's time to share...1,2,3...GO!