Thursday, September 28, 2006

Thursday

I'm just letting you all know that from this day forward, I am going to be one busy lady and will not be back until Monday evening. Writing on this blog will not even be an option, so don't go thinking that I just quit...so not the case. I am very excited for this weekend and maybe I'll tell you all about it later...not sure though. I may want to keep it to myself, which is a definite possibility. Hehe. Anyway, if you don't know already and you want to know, call me. It's not that it's a big secret, I just made a promise to myself that sharing everything in my life is not what I want to do anymore. Love you all and have a wonderful weekend!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Writer's Block

Hi, my name is Jamie and I have writers block. I've been blank for only a few weeks now, but it feels longer. My friends and family have confronted me about my blogless blog and the only thing I can say is...I know man, it's worrying me too. I was thinking about checking myself into a creative writing class, but I'm not ready for that, it's not something I want to do yet. So instead, I've chosen to do it on my own. My technique thus far is to sit in front of my computer screen and yell nasty words at the keyboard. I figured this is a good way to get all my frustration out, so I can clear the mind and begin to write. I'm hopeful it'll start working soon. And, sometimes I'll just bang my head or punch the screen until I have to walk away. This gives me an opportunity to get up from the computer and collect my thoughts, due to all the pain that I suffer. Another strategy I use is my blank stare. Oh yeah, I'll literally sit in front of my computer for hours...I'm sure something will eventually pop into mind! However, my all time favorite is typing and then deleting everything I wrote. Sure, it sucks at first; but then I realize that words are just like anything else in life, eventually they'll come and go...it's all part of the game.

Just got it today...

For Jill and my birthday, Kristen, our big sis, sent us each a t-shirt with her picture on it. It's hilarious! It was the same type of t-shirt that Jill and I made for her when we lived in Ocean City, Maryland. We went to the mall, put pigtails in our hair, made the most retarded face, took the picture, made the shirt and sent it to her as a joke. We laughed about it for days and now she has returned the humor. Nice work Krissy!

Stupid

I want to write, but I can't think of anything to say. I guess this is one of those moments where I just type whatever comes to mind like...I'm fucking starving. My stomach is empty and screaming for food. I believe it's saying, "Yo bitch! We need some food up in here." Hehe. I wonder what I'm going to eat? I don't really know, I'm in one of those moods where nothing sounds tasty. Food can really suck sometimes, trying to figure out what sounds good and then getting off my lazy ass to cook or go get it. It's unfortunate. We always talk about how there should be a pill to resolve this very issue, especially when grumpiness begins to settle in. I hate when that happens. Maybe I should go eat...

Monday, September 25, 2006

Jill on TV?

Jill was asked to submit a video of her working with Quinn for an NBC reality series for dog training. She has to send it in by Friday. I can't wait for her to do it! Who knows if she'll get it or not, but regardless....she's actively stepping out of her comfort zone and may be opening doors to a new world of possibilities for Thank Dog! YAY!

Friday, September 22, 2006

Can you read this???

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch by Nick Maida, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Slacker

Jill asked me if I'm slacking on my blog today. I answered, "Yes, I am." Sorry. I haven't been very inspired lately so it makes it difficult to write when there's nothing to report. My head is in other places right now...a good thing actually. I'm not analyzing myself so much anymore, it's nice.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Teacher's are weird.

When I taught at 75th St., I was always very nice to the substitutes because the teachers at my school were so unfriendly to them. It used to bother me, so I used to go out of my way to help if they needed it. I seriously thought it was my school because it's so evil, but come to find out it's not. I'm getting the same treatment here at this school. People won't make eye contact with me, won't say hello, I literally have step in front of them to ask a question. Come on people! I'm here to help, not hurt....hehe.

I worked this week.

On Monday morning, I got a 3 day substitute teaching job for a 5th grade class in Echo Park...tomorrow is my last day. I was nervous at first because I'm not used to the older ones and there's 31 of them. They stared me down as they entered the room, trying to get a feel of what I was going to be like, just as I stared them down doing the same. Ha! There's always that awkward moment with the first words, not really knowing what to say except, "There are rules and you better follow them!" I didn't say that, but I wanted to. Instead, I talked to them and said I'm a nice teacher, but it's definitely possible that I could turn mean if they make me. It's up to them if they want three days of fun or three days of misery....they chose fun. Phew!

The last two days have been really cool! They like me as much as I like them, we get along great:) I don't have to talk to them like they're babies and they actually do work all on their own. Awesome. If I had to do my teaching career over again, I would definitely choose the older grades I think. Yeah, it's been a good experience!

Out of Character

It was awesome. Last night I had my SELP class, I missed the last one so it felt like I haven't been there in awhile. Our leader, Marg(h)a, asked if we made any unreasonable requests this week and I immediately raised my hand...so out of character for me. She, of course, called on me almost instantly and I went to the front of the room to share my story. I told the participants why I wasn't there on Monday, that I was in New York, joining the 9/11 demonstration. I told them how scared I was, unknowing of what the New Yorkers would think, but did it anyway. Hence, my unreasonable request. I said the reason we were there was to get an investigation open to what really happened on 9/11 and to spread awareness that our government still refuses to answer our questions. For some reason, I wasn't nervous talking about it...I can't imagine what was going through their minds as they listened to me. I felt good about what I was doing, nudging over 50 people at once, and also tackling my fear of public speaking. It's funny how worried I've been about what people think of me because seriously, I didn't give a shit last night. It showed too! Later in the evening, Marga used me, my passion, and my cause in a positive example, saying that nobody can take that away from me. She was proud of me for standing up for something I truly believe in and I was proud of myself for not letting my fear stop me from my self-expression. Yay!

Accoyo Challenge

Either on Thursday or Friday, I will be going to Whole Foods "Life Style" clothing store, in West Hollywood, to introduce myself and offer them a great deal on buying some of our clothes for wholesale. I'll let you know what happens...

Monday, September 18, 2006

Uhhhhhhhhh

So, I'm not really sure what I want to write about at this point. I may just be writing about my experiences as they come or...or...I don't know. I'm gonna sit on this one for awhile and write later. Until then...you're gonna have to call me to know what's going on in my life...hehe

Friday, September 15, 2006

I'm 30!

From this day forward, Conclusion Blogger will be all about the challenges I will be making for myself and taking action for completion. I'm not going to be analyzing Me anymore and sharing myself in the way I have been. That was so a decade ago! Ha! This is the time where I jump into life and take everything I've learned right along with me. YAY!

New York- A 9/11 Experience

I was asked to repost this by a few, so here you go:


There were two big reasons why we went to New York. Jill and I are turning the big 3-0 this Friday and thought what a perfect weekend to celebrate, while fighting something we both feel very passionate about. It was a two for one deal...YAY!


Going there, I thought New York was going to be totally on board with all the 9/11 conspiracies, being appreciative of our support. I was sadly mistaken. People didn't even want to talk about it, wishing it would just go away. It made it difficult for the first few days, being there, knowing what we know, and people being so resistant. I felt very out of place and extremely frustrated. We held off of doing 9/11 stuff until Sunday, for good reason.


On Sunday, we first attempted to find out when Bush was speaking and where he was, but it turned out he was on later in the day...a time conflict with all the 9/11 speakers we wanted to listen to. When we got to the St. Mark's Church, where the rally was being held, we each got an "Investigate 9/11" t-shirt for the purpose of the demonstration that was beginning Monday morning. We listened to the speakers, talked to other supporters, and then had a dinner break. Me, Jill, Gina, Carrie, and Sam went outside, with our t-shirts on, and walked down the street to find food. We got some very negative reactions, to the point where I felt extremely nervous, I wanted to turn around and head up to where other 9/11 t-shirts were. People just did not want to be confronted by what we were doing, they were angry that we were there.


As the night went on, we watched a few possible "Loose Change Final Cut" clips, talked to more people and listened to Immortal Technique, a rap band who talks about 9/11 and the Bush Administration. It was good to be around people who were all on the same page as us, it was comforting to know we weren't fighting this alone. Before everyone departed, we got specific instructions from the Loose Change crew to be very civil and calm during the demonstration. We needed to be respectful of all the families and friends that were also going to be there, mourning their loved ones.


Monday morning arrived and we were to be at Ground Zero at 8 am. We didn't wear our shirts until we got there, we didn't feel the need to piss off the New Yorkers who had no idea what was about to go on. As we arrived to the permitted protesting area, we were pleasantly surprised by how many people were there. Nobody knew the number of who would actually show up and it turned out to be over a thousand...PHEW! All of us were given "Loose Change" videos to hand out and were instructed to keep moving along as we did this, in case of arrests being made.


Around 10am or so, all the 9/11 Truthers formed two lines to walk down the street in silence. This was to show the people we were here, that there were too many unanswered questions to the official story, and we weren't going to lie down without a fight. People were amazed to see us. I can't tell you how many pictures were being taken, how video cameras were on us, and how many journalists were there interviewing as many as possible. It was such an adrenaline rush, an empowering moment for me. I didn't care about the negative reactions because I was standing up for something I truly believed in. There were many tears being shed as I walked along and listened to all the victims names being read off. I was very sad, as if I was there on that horrific day and knew people in the Twin Towers. I felt personally affected, after all thousands of people were killed, the government refuses to answer questions and I AM an American Citizen.


After the morning march was over, we all dispersed. We walked around, handed out dvds, and talked to as many who would listen. One of the most memorable moments for me was this guy who walked up and requested a copy of "Loose Change." He shook my hand and said, "Thank you for being here and doing what you're doing." I had goosebumps...it rejuvenated every feeling I had when we first booked this trip and why we were there. Another woman came up to me and asked what we were doing. I told her, handed her the DVD, and she looked at me and said, "God bless you." And, then kissed me on the cheek. It was nothing like I've ever felt before, like pure energy surging threw my body. It was awesome!


Of course, there were others that didn't have the same gratitude. They wished we'd go away and felt we were disrespecting the victims. People are entitled to their own opinions, I can't argue; however I can disagree. We were fighting for their lost lives, showing our respect by fighting to get an investigation open to what really happened on 9/11. We care so much that we flew from all over the country to expose the lies that our government has been feeding us. We were there to honor our country and that's what it was all about for us...nothing more, nothing less.


Finally, the best was marching up and down the streets for the last part of the demonstration. We went to Larry Silverstein's Building, City Hall, and the police station to spread the word. It was history in the making and I was apart of it...an unforgettable experience that not everyone can say they did. After this trip, I've realized that life is truly what you make it and things will happen as long as there is purpose and free will of the people.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Here we go!!!

Tomorrow is the beginning of Jill and my birthday week and we're extremely excited! This isn't just any birthday either, we're turning the BIG 3-0! I've made some major changes in my life in the past 6 months and I feel it has everything to do with this moment and this moment alone. I had to do what I needed to do, write what I needed to write, in order for me to leave my twenties behind and start brand new. Now that I have this perception about going into a new decade, this blog is coming along for the ride! It's going to be competely different, I'm going to be a new and improved 30 year old blogger:) Say goodbye to me transforming my life and hello to me LIVING my life! WOO HOO! Stay tuned...

Wednesday Fun!

I have a lot to do today! I have another dog walking client this morning, then I'm off to do some fun shopping! YAY!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

New York

We leave for New York this Thursday morning...I can hardly wait! This is a special trip for many reasons: 1) I've never been. 2) It's with my lovely friends. 3) It's for our 30th birthday. 4) We are taking action for our country. 5) It's going to be so much fun!

There are so many things we want to do, Gina is putting together a plan so we can do and see everything while we're there. In fact, I have to stop writing now so Jill and I can go brainstorm...

Holiday Weekend

I had a great weekend! It was all about my friends and doing nothing but having fun. I forgot how much I love to go out, socializing and being with people. I think I may be addicted to dancing as well. I couldn't get off the dance floor on Friday night and on Sunday, Calen, Chad and I specifically went out again to go dancing. Granted, Rage is definitely NOT the place to go on any night of the week or weekend, but we chose it and made the best of it. It was the place that had the lowest cover charge...haha, I guess money does talk.

I missed going out with the boys, we always have a blast together. I'm happy I threw myself back into the mix, after all, now I have a VIP card to the Factory. Let the dancing begin!

Sunday, September 03, 2006

I'm living my life for me.

For the past 6 weeks or so, I've been struggling with nonstop thinking and being really confused. The funny part is, my thinking hasn't really been about me, it's been about how I am being perceived by other people and why in certain situations I feel insecure. I've tried talking about it with Alice, she was doing her best but it still wasn't resignating with me in a way that I'd get off it. I brought it up to Jill, I didn't like what she had to say, I rebelled against her words as I used to before...an old habit. Calen took a stab at it, relating to a recent breakthrough that he had, but I still wasn't able to apply to my life as I was presently living it. It wasn't until this morning that I had a breakthrough and was able to distinguish between the stories I've been creating from my reality.

Calen and Gina had an amazing interaction this morning, I was really proud of the way he kept himself present in the conversation. It inspired me so much that I acknowledged him for it during the end of our hike at Runyan. As soon as we stopped talking, we had a long silence, while I collected my thoughts and began to apply my observation of him to myself. All of a sudden, I got exactly what was going on and sat with it until we got to the car. We drove away and that's when I looked at Calen and said, "I just had a huge breakthrough thru our last conversation...holy shit!"

My Breakthrough: We talked about how analzying someone or a conversation is nothing more than making judgements. It doesn't help to make things right or make things comfortable when it's happening. Suddenly, a light went on and that's when I realized this has been the source of my insecurities. I've been analyzing my experiences, stories, and comparing them to others, feeling like I live a boring life and have nothing interesting to share. That's absurd! I've already had more life altering experiences at age 29 that a single human being may never endure in a lifetime. There is nothing boring about my life, my experiences are just different, I wouldn't be happy and living it the way I am if it was. I may have not gone to many places or have tried many things, however, I needed to embrace that and turn it into a positive.

After I sat with this for awhile, the excitement began to build. This is the access for me to start creating new experiences for myself and to try all the things I've always wanted to or things I've never even thought of. It's, also, exciting to know that other people have the opportunity to share in my experiences as well, introduce me to the new, keeping those memories forever. That's awesome.

After I came to this realization and shared it with Calen, I immediately got choked up. This breakthrough was so intensely freeing, that I couldn't speak for a moment and had major goosebumps. I felt it was the biggest breakthrough I've had since the forum. I shared it with Gina as soon as I got home, which turned into even more of an enlightenment on how I've been living my life in the past weeks. She shared her observations of me falling back into my old patterns of living in everyone else's heads and not my own. I haven't been living my life for me, I've been living my life for others, which is every reason why I've been struggling with my own self-expression. I'm too concerned with others and how I look and totally disregarding myself, my way of being, and the new experiences I could be creating for myself and how I need to live to be happy. I can't be happy if I'm not being myself, it's time to live my life for me.

Breakthrough....the biggest one yet!

I just had a HUGE breakthrough today that brought me to tears, however, I don't have time to write about it right now. I'll report back later...

Saturday, September 02, 2006

We're funny.


We just had a traumatic thing happen, followed along with being truly authentic. Riley, the Miniature Pinscher had to go outside to do her business. If you know about these little dogs, they run out of fear and will keep running until something stops them and will do anything for food. We've had quite a few scares with Riley getting loose, but found a new way to coax her back. We have this dog container, full of dog treats, that sings "Who Let The Dogs Out"when its opened up. It's funny and I'll tell you why...

One day, Riley got out and we couldn't get her back. We thought she was going to be hit by a car, to the point where Gina ran to the street and started singing, "Who let the dogs out...woof, woof, woof, woof." She did it over and over again, in such a stressful tone, it was like the most hilarious thing we still talk about today. She was singing out of desperation, a sound that we'll never forget and it totally worked, she was in survival mode. As soon as Riley heard Gina singing those words, she turned around and came right back to the house for a treat. Hysterical.

Tonight, Riley had to go outside and Jill let her out in the front. As soon as she put her down, Riley booked out of our yard. Jill yelled, which caught all of our attention and we immediately knew it was Riley. One by one, we all went out to sing the song automatically, it was the first instinct we had. Calen went first singing, I was second, and then Gina came out singing with the container. It was really funny. We didn't care how stupid we looked or sounded, we were on a mission. Riley responded as soon as she finished pooping and came back to us. After that, it was instant laughter to how ridiculous we sounded. It was awesome...haha!

Landmark in WeHo

I didn't have a chance to write yesterday, obviously. I went out last night with the boys...we had a blast! We started at Fiesta Cantina for Happy Hour, it was 2 for 1 drinks. CHEAP! Then, we moved to East West, where I ran into one of the coaches in my SELP class, Michael...he now knows I'm gay. It was great to talk to him, we had the best conversation and were laughing our asses off. He's hilarious and so not anything I was thinking him to be. It was great!

After several minutes of talking to Michael, Tyler comes walking in. Tyler is a participant in my class, I knew he was gay but was surprised to see him. So weird! Then, Hugo text messaged me, said he was working and to stop by and say hi. He's my Landmark buddy, I love him.

It's so interesting to see people outside of Landmark...it's fun to get a feel of their reality opposed to inside the class, it's a different vibe and more inviting for me. It's real conversation and seems to be a lot easier to get to know them without all the Landmark Jargon. Don't get me wrong, Landmark is definitely a topic but it's not so "possibility this" and "possibility that." It's us being in the moment, enjoying our time out, and being totally relaxed in the presence of one another. Good times...