She jumped! It's a big deal and a big day...

Well the day has finally arrived after 6 years of waiting. Today is the last day Gina will ever have to walk through the doors of Norris Hospital ever again. It's the end of the road, the long and excruciating stretch is over for her and a career transformation is about to begin. Code-Fiends is her baby now and I have no doubt it's going to be everything Jill and Gina ever imagined it to be. They've worked so hard to get it where it is today and business just keeps pouring in. This is stuff that we already know, so now it's going to be all about Gina...

Wow lady. You mutha f***in did it! We're all so proud of you for sticking through it the way you did. You worked your ass off and not only at Norris, you literally kept two jobs almost the whole time and not to mention a third when Accoyo! was in season. You're amazing, an inspiration, and you deserve everything you worked so hard for. This is the time for you to shine, the time for you to really enjoy your life and everything you have in it. You undoubtedly left an imprint on Norris and although they may not know it yet, they will. How do I know? Well, I observe you on a daily basis and I know how you throw yourself into everything you do. They were LUCKY to have you. Your work ethic is unstoppable and I can't wait to see what you make happen next. Embrace it all Gina. Live your life for you now because there's nothing else that could be more important than this moment. You can do anything you want because you value the life that you've already created. I love you, I'm so proud of you, and congratulations! It's playtime baby!

Wanna believe in the Secret?

I went to the Bodhi Tree last week and purchased The Secret Meditation cd. The mediation is an hour long and it's to be played while sleeping. It claims that after listening to it for 6 weeks every night, suddenly the law of attraction is a reality and living by it isn't so difficult. I was very intrigued so I bought it and listened to it in the car, on the way home. Not a good idea and little did I know, it said it in the directions. I couldn't believe how heavy I was when I arrived, I was so relaxed it was hard to move around. Now, when I put my headphones on for bed, it literally puts me to sleep in 10 minutes. It's awesome and I totally recommend you all to buy it, it's worth every penny!

It's almost over

I'm subbing for a 4th grade class today and they're trying so hard to get a reaction from me. I just kind of sit back and laugh, they're so ridiculous they don't even know. I kept 4 boys in for recess and they told me how mean I am and because my feelings weren't hurt, they kept getting frustrated. I'm so relaxed in this class, they literally can't stand it. It's one try after another to piss me off, but I refuse to go there. I just don't care enough for my mood to change, especially for a group of 9 year olds who have nothing to do with my life after 2:30 today. 2 hours and counting...

Break time!

I had a coaching call with my head coach earlier today. She wanted coaching because she also wants to take a break from Landmark, to enjoy her life and her family. I told her that's exactly what she should do, that I'm not going to coach her into doing anything different. Seriously, I was probably the wrong person to call if she wanted to be coached back into the course she's in. I am all about independence and having a fulfilling life right now, outside of Landmark. It's not to say anything negative about the education, not at all actually. I love it, will forever stand by it, and will do future courses. I just believe that everyone should take the time at some point and apply what we learned to our life, without having a "back up" in case we fall. I feel we need to learn how to do it ourselves and THEN go back to Landmark when we're ready to take our growth to a whole new level. That's how I'm playing this game for now on...Life first, then Landmark. Perfect:)

Happy Valentine's and Single Awareness Day!

It's a celebration of singlehood today! Josh and I are going to spend this fabulous day of love together. It's a great reminder of how single we are, but at least we're not alone and we have each other. Yay for good friends and yummy food! I'm looking forward to our little evening of fun:)

Yay for Matt!

I'm so proud!

I talked to Matt a couple hours ago and he sounds great! He did the forum this weekend and it seems he got a lot out of it. He's totally on board with everything he learned, he's ready to bring it home. He's in Cleveland now, wrapping up the weekend, and then he'll be on his way. He did something courageous and not only for him but for his family. He doesn't know it yet, but he is about to share the greatest gift imaginable: The gift of love, life, and how to live powerfully. He's going to be the best dad ever, the dad he went in wanting to be, the dad he has already been...he just didn't know it yet;) Awwww! I couldn't be any happier in this moment. I love my family to pieces.

Being Self-Expressed

I'm almost finished being an SELP coach, I can't wait! I LOVE my participants, it's been a great experience; however, I'm Landmarked out and look forward to my nice LONG break. This past week has been difficult for me, trying to "get off it" when I'm in the class, but it's so confronting. I find myself getting angry and frustrated, the disconnectedness within the coaching team is so obvious, yet nobody will acknowledge it. We all go about our time, waiting for the last class to arrive, and not being responsible for what is happening in the room.

On Thursday, I couldn't take anymore during our coaches meeting, before class began. Doris, our leader, was having another reoccurring conversation with us, I could feel my whole body getting hot and my head getting ready to explode. I raised my hand and said some words, she cut me off and told us to create a possibility around what I was saying and that's when I realized that this has to stop. She looked at me and asked if I was complete. I said no, said what was in my space, and that's when the heated conversation began...

I stood up in front of the room, while all the coaches watched as Doris and I threw our words at each other. I was pissed off and accused her of never listening. I said I don't feel a connection with her and this was the most un-Landmark experience I've ever had. I said all her concerns were surface level, she makes us wrong for everything, and we need to find the source or nothing will change. I told her this conversation should have happened in the beginning, that it's ridiculous we're only 2 classes away and it's happening now. I requested that the other coaches raise their hands if they felt incomplete with what's going on and ALL their hands went up.

Unfortunately, it was time for class to begin, so we couldn't finish what was started. But, all the coaches came up afterwards, hugged me, and thanked me for doing what I did. They said how courageous I was and they totally agreed with what I had to say. It was awesome, to be that self-expressed, and to then be acknowledged for it. I've never, in my life, have ever done anything like this before. That in itself was a major breakthrough and now I see the importance of being a leader and being cause in the matter. I do get that I was making Doris wrong through most of the conversation; however, it opened the doors to a new possibility of being deeply connected within our coaching team. This alone is a true victory for me and for everyone else.

Come on people!

In my opinion, Jill's design is clearly the best one out of the ten designs...now it's just a contest to see how many people we can get to vote and it seems that others are already winning that game. PLEASE send the link down below to everyone you know and ask them to vote everyday until the 20th.

http://lwordshirt.onlinepromo.com/phase3/vote.cfm

Thank you!!!!!

The L Word T-shirt Contest

Our creative little Jilly thought she'd be funny by entering the contest, designed a logo that only took her ten minutes, and now she's a semi-finalist. Please click here and vote! I personally feel that hers is the best and not because she's my twin. Check it out:



Oh, and you can vote every day until the 20th. Thanks!

Living a Life of Resistance

Apparently, I have a lot to write about these days. Another breakthrough that came out of this week is how I've been resisting my whole life. I resist my thoughts, feelings, emotions, my inner responsibilities, and anything else that I didn't want to confront or make my own. I would create so much anxiety around it, not choosing what was so, and literally battle myself into a whirlwind. For example, I'll be sad, resist the feeling, and then find myself stuck with all these emotions and no outlet to release them. I'll be extremely excited, I'll resist, and then it's me thinking it's nerves, instead of something positive, something that I actually deserve. Or, I'll be completely smitten over someone, resist it, and then shut down where they can't even see a doorway in. Another example would be someone telling me something I don't want to hear. I'll resist it, do it anyway, and then later come back beating myself up for making the choice I did. Or, things WILL go my way, but later realizing I wasn't doing it for myself...which totally defeats the purpose. My life has been full of resistance and because I acknowledge it now, I've been able to be more accepting, which has made freedom a possibility for me, my life, and for the people I love. For the first time in months, I really get my tools and I'm not afraid to use them.

The act is the source for transformation.

This recent and ENORMOUS breakthrough I had has been showing up for me all over the place. EVERYTHING makes sense now to how I was being and why things weren't going my way. Seriously, this may be the biggest one since I found my act in the Advanced Course. Interestingly enough though, if I didn't know my act of "I'm not good enough," I wouldn't have gotten it. It's so important to have this knowledge about one's self, the act is where we live from day-to-day and where our point of views originate. If the source can't be acknowledged then it's hard to know which direction to go and then we're stuck in another vicious cycle of "How can I fix this?" and "What's wrong with me?" We begin to believe that this is reality and then our stories are leading our lives once again. Noooooo thank you!

Here's Jill's experience in her Advanced Course this past July:

"Wow. Yep, that is pretty much all I have to say about my experience. Well...nevermind...I take that back, I actually have a lot to say about my experience. BUT, if I had to sum it all in one word, it would be, "wow".

I found exactly what I needed...my act. The very thing that makes me the way I am today. Having a better understanding of what that is is exactly how one can overcome their fears, insecurities or whatever else is going on.

First, for those of you who don't know...your act is something you use on a daily basis to deal with any tragedies, failures, insecurities or any uncomfortable situations you come across. In the process, it causes the "bad news", or the awful truth about you, to unknowingly come into play. This happens so often that before you know it (and usually you don't), you become a certain way of being. This way, dictates the results you get in life and that isn't for the positive.

Sometimes this way brings what Landmark calls a strong suit. A strong suit is a part of your act. The best way to describe it is, strong suits to an act is like scenes are to a movie. They all come together to form the big picture...you...but it really isn't you, it's your act.

Strong suits play into your insecurities. They are often good qualities, however, they allow people to use them to avoid real life. For example, if someone is being yelled at, they will use humor to get through it...humor being the strong suit.

Your act is something that is created at an early age, usually from an incident. Once it's there, it never leaves - you literally live by it, you ARE your act. Knowing where it started and what it brought to your life is exactly how one moves forward to live powerfully.

Ok, so, what does this mean for me? A TON of things. I definitely came out of this weekend feeling powerful. I mean, I was able to go way back to figure out what my incident was that set the path of how I have been living.

I am not going to tell you my incident only because the person that was involved would feel bad and there is absolutely no reason for them to. I was very young and the person was just teasing me, but I think I was too young and sensitive...I would have laughed at it today. Anyway, the way I dealt with it totally explains how I am today.

I did not voluntarily share on my own at all this weekend until Sunday when I found out my act. I guess you can say I was one of the quiet ones. However, realizing how dumb my insecurities were in light of my incident, allowed me to raise my hand and share for the first time in Jill Landmark history.

After my defining moment (not really...haha), we were let out for dinner only to come back for what really was my defining moment. One by one, we had to go on stage and declare who we are and the act we are giving up. We had to mean it and if we didn't, we would have to do it all over again. This was an exercise to get you to literally transform infront of the room. The only way for it to happen is for you to actually believe what you were saying.

I wanted to get this over with, so I volunteered after about 15 people went, which is crazy for me. As I went up, I heard the 3 claps (it's how you are introduced to start your transformation) and took a step forward. I was sooooooo scared. I decided to "be with" the audience before beginning, meaning, I tried to get present with them while taking deep breaths. I said:

"Who I am is the possibility of self worth (this is when I start crying) and self expression.
((deep breath)) The act that I am giving up is "I'm ok, now leave me alone",
and THAT is who I am."

The entire room got up so quickly, screaming and clapping and literally gave me a standing ovation. Although I was uncomfortable, I loved it. I had to stand up there and take it. I felt so supported it was unreal. I will NEVER forget it.

My act makes a lot of sense, especially to those who know me. I walk around quiet and cool, but what's really going on is that I am not feeling very good about myself which causes me to pen up everything that I may be feeling or thinking. When someone asks me if I am ok even if it looks like I am not, I will always say, "I'm fine".

I will give an example of 4 strong suits that allow me to get away with things I am dealing with...

I am creative, I use this to deal with expressing myself. I am motherly, I use this to show people I love them so I can skip the intimacy. I am always the "nice guy", I use this to deal with how insecure I am about myself along with not having to confront things. I am independent which allows me to keep people at a distance and avoid being vulnerable. I have a lot more than that, but you get the idea.

Because of the way I deal with things, I am distant, a non listener, selfish, passive aggressive, annoyed, short tempered, impatient, judgmental, flaky, a coward, bitchy, a follower...etc...the list goes on. These are my "bad news" or bad truths as I said above.

All of my strong suits and bad news combined..."I am ok, now leave me alone".

Today

I'm having a fabulous day! I'm subbing for a 5th grade class in Los Feliz, they're being great. The energy level in here is so calm and relaxed, I feel very peaceful. I'm typing away while my students are at lunch, today couldn't go any better at this point. I think kids tend to pick up on the energies that teachers give off, they adapt to whatever it is and will behave accordingly. Sure, I'll have to speak to a few, to get them back on track, but it's no big deal and they listen. I said it before and I'll say it once more...if I chose to teach again, I would be a 5th grade teacher. I love where they are in their lives. It seems to be the time when a teacher can really make an impact in who they are being in the world and being related doesn't seem difficult. In fact, these kids were thrilled to see me today, I've subbed for them before. One girl asked me to come and eat brownies with her and her family after school. Ha! I just love observing these young minds. They will say and do what they want because fear hasn't become their reality yet. Damn society. Leave these kids alone!

Another Successful Transformation

I went to Torri's forum completion last night, it was great. She's a different person, her energy has completed shifted from being overly tense to at ease and relaxed. People kept coming up to her, while I was there, and thanking her for all the contributions she made throughout the weekend. Apparently, she was the star and made a huge impact on the room. Jane, her leader, told me that as well. I was a proud little Landmarker, watching her grow into an adult. Many said she has a great sense of humor, told her to channel it in a positive way. I think she'll take it on because she IS funny, people are drawn to it, and for the first time she felt it too. It was a great experience, I'm truly happy for her. YAY!

Own it, love it, and share it.

It's amazing how an epiphany, in one brief moment, can transform a life forever. It's almost like it falls from the sky, hits us in the head, and stirs up everything we thought we knew. We get so blinded by ourselves, it seems impossible to see through the fog. We think we're doing it "right," doing all that we can, but in reality, we're not doing anything at all. If we can't acknowledge our own in-authenticities, then there's no place to go but to stay on the same path or fall to the ground...where nothing is available for self-empowerment. Being honest and taking responsibility is the key for welcoming a breakthrough. The more we're willing to step outside and see what's missing, the more our lives become free. This freedom is accompanied with a whole new world of possibilities, where opportunity comes knocking, and our lives get to be that much happier. Ahhhhh...I feel great!

All I can say is, " wow."

I've been talking to Torri throughout the weekend, mostly at night when her day is finished. Yep, you guessed it! She's in the Landmark Forum and I'm so proud of her for going through with it. I ran into her yesterday at the center, we sat and talked during one of the breaks, and it was a really great conversation...one that we BOTH needed to have. Then, we didn't chat again until last night. She was in her car, on the way home, and I can't even begin to tell you the difference already. Whoa. She's doing awesome and I can't wait to see what she's like when the forum finally wraps up. She wanted it, she got it, and the best part is she took me along with her. Watching her go through this gave me a whole new insight about myself and now I have access to everything I want for my life. It's all about taking responsibility for what I've learned and putting my tools into action. Sweet.

Here's some honesty for ya!...and some vulnerability.

Everything I write is what makes us live powerfully in reality, which would leave us feeling happy, whole, and complete. But don't let me fool you...I haven't been living powerfully at all. In fact, I've been pretending to walk around as if I have all the "right" answers, like I've been living in the power zone so to speak. This week has been a real eye opener for me and today I realized I've been living in a fantasy world, that I AM perfect the way I am, and I still carry around all the garbage as much as the next person does. HA! The only difference between me and them is that I have the tools to acknowledge it, take responsibility for the way I'm being, and recreate myself in a way that gives me back the power.

For the past couple months, I've been living my act of "I'm not good enough," which manifested into anxiety and having the want to "fix" everything about myself that wasn't "right" in my eyes. I wasn't willing to be responsible for who I am and what was so, in any situation. I feared that if I knocked my walls down, then one would get to know me. They'll see that I'm not good enough OR they'll fall in love. Either way, I wasn't allowing it because in my reality, I don't deserve love and I had to be right.

This has been a lot to take in; I'm still sitting with it as I type. It feels so good to finally be able to distinguish what's been in my space. I realized I went back into my old habits, in such a different way that it was unrecognizable to me. I, again, became dependent on other things and not myself. I didn't believe that I could do it on my own, so I'll just take another course to "fix" the problem and become the almighty human! I'm not saying this negatively at all, in fact, I can't help but laugh for the way I've been being. With that said, nothing is wrong here and I wouldn't change a thing. I needed to learn everything I have in order for me to have this HUGE breakthrough. I know myself so well that when something is missing, I feel it, and I'm on it like white on rice. I may not get it right away, but eventually I do. Therefore, it's time to detach myself from all this internal righteousness, take on being responsible, and conquer what real life is about. Making mistakes is all part of the journey and I am totally on board with that!

Now, how's that for a breakthrough? I'll take it!

Landmark Overkill

As you all know, I am a Landmarker. I totally admit it and will continue encouraging others who haven't done it to go through. However, I did realize something last night, during my completion of the last part of the Communication Course. I am in information overload and I need a break! I've been SO into my life transformation that I haven't given myself the time to just be. I'm constantly analyzing myself, learning something new, and although it's been awesome, I'm exhausted. I'm looking forward to the end of this month, when I will take this year long education and apply it to every aspect of my life; without being registered in anymore seminars, courses, or coaching teams. I'm excited to use all my tools and to see what I can do in this fun game called life. YAY!

The best reaction is no reaction.

All fighting is, is reaction...nothing more, nothing less. I call you a name, you call me a name. I yell at you, you yell back. What does that accomplish? It accomplishes nothing but hurt feelings, regretful statements, and a lot of wasted time and energy. When we're reacting in those moments, we're not listening to what is being said and what needs to be heard. It's like we're on a racquetball court, words are just coming at us from every direction, and we're trying to defend ourselves so we don't get hit. It has nothing to do with where the words are coming from. We hit them back as hard as we can to win a point and to make ourselves feel good for making the score even or better yet...a victory.

Unfortunately, this is how human behavior works and the only person who can change it is the one who is willing to take a stand for both individuals. What I mean by that is very simple, yet difficult to practice. The best reaction is no reaction and it will work every time. It allows the person to say what they need to and not feel threatened for doing so. It also invites us to really listen to what they're saying, possibly even finding a quick resolution because the want and willingness is there. How can this be effective? Well, imagine yourself yelling at someone who is taking it all in and being totally non-reactive. You're kind of left there feeling silly because the other person isn't behaving this way, which will eventually bring you back down to a rational state of being. The disagreement will still be there, however, now there is a clearing for the real communication to begin and both parties can be present for the conversation. If that doesn't fit, think of it like this. How many times have you NOT said something for fear of the reaction? Now imagine if you knew the person wouldn't react, would you still keep it to yourself? No, because you wouldn't feel that you had to. Instead, you'd be confident in the conversation and what you say might actually be heard.