Who is anonymous?

Okay, the last comment has intrigued my interest. You can't say those things and not make yourself known. Conversation is my favorite and if you're willing to have one...come out from hiding. Until then, I will figure it out. I have Molina Molina on the case;) Hehehe.

Do you really know about respect?

I didn't until recently. I read about it in books, but really got it this weekend. When we feel bad for someone, there's no respect. There's no respect because we subconsciously feel they're not strong enough to overcome whatever is going on in their lives. We look at them through sadness instead of empathy...two totally different points of views that can really impact a situation. Approaching one with a "I'm feeling bad for you" point of view, isn't really listening to what's going on. It's feeding more into their story, not making a clearing for them to step up and make things better. When we empathize, we're stepping into their shoes and really hearing what they need us to. We get what they're feeling, we let them know that we get it, but we leave the stories in such a way that the belief in them is present and they feel it too. It's basically saying, "I get where you are and I'm sad for you, but I know you'll get through this," and the respect wills them to keep going.

This is the same in communication. When we withhold from someone we love, we have no respect. We don't think they can handle it, so we're not going to say it. The ironic part is, the reason we don't feel they can handle it is because we in fact can't handle it ourselves. We don't want to take responsibility for what will be said next and will selfishly choose to shut down instead. If we have respect for another, words will not break the relationship, it'll make it that much stronger because we care enough to be self-expressed when there seems to be something missing. However; there is a catch to this. Of course, the best way IS to be honest...but not brutally. One must step back and realize what the intent is before saying something outright. It must also be communicated in a way that creates a clearing for an end resolution. If that isn't present, the respect isn't present. Nobody will get anywhere and then we're stuck in a vicious cycle of endless reactive conversation.

Teacher Thoughts

I didn't get a job today and I'm not upset at all about it. Hehe. The last few jobs have not been great...the kids are out of control. I can't imagine being a substitute teacher as a life long career. I do get the benefit of it. We get to choose when we want to work, we don't have to prepare, and we get to leave at the end of the day. However, every class I go into, I immediately want to change the way the classroom procedures are and the perceptions that are in the room. I can't help it after being a teacher for 5 years. I see these young kids, who are developing their young minds and it's frustrating. Many teachers don't do this work (Landmark or other self-development programs), so they bring their garbage in, putting it on their students, and thinking it's okay because that's just the way life is. I'll walk around a school and hear nothing but yelling coming from the rooms. Many teacher's don't know how to relate, it's the only thing they are left with. It's sad because this is how most of the children I sub for are treated at home...they don't know what's possible. I actually had a conversation about this with a 5th grade class last week. We discussed humanity and how we should be nice to everyone. I told them to choose a partner and say 5 things they like about each other. Most couldn't even do it. They laughed and were totally embarrassed. I got it so we had a discussion. They said people don't talk like that, especially at home. There's more name calling and corrections than there are compliments and acknowledgments. So, when a teacher is yelling at them, it's normal and that's what life is about. After all, we're their mentors and we're educating their minds. If they don't know any different and teacher's aren't willing to take that stand, how can we expect the things we do from them? I think ALL teacher's should be required to have some sort of training for their own self-development. That way, they can bring it into the classroom to those who aren't getting it from home, and help change the negative society that we all survive in.

Communication+confrontation= Get me the F outta here!

I've never been so confronted by a Landmark Course as I was this weekend. I walked into the room Saturday morning and instantly felt the anxiety coming on strong. It was so weird because I hadn't experienced this in the first Communication Course: Access to Power. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I was completely shut down. I could actually see the wall I put up so clearly, it was like a fog in front of me, I was so deep in my head. I literally had a 12 hour headache. It wouldn't go away, I was resisting like I've never resisted before. I couldn't relax and I definitely wasn't relating to anyone in the room. Every time the leader said, "Share with your partner," I panicked. I said as little as I could and then focused on the other person, deterring the conversation away from me. I ended up analyzing myself all day long even though I already knew what was going on. Bottom line: I've been resisting vulnerability with new people in my life and I subconsciously brought it into the classroom with me. Perfect.

It was the end of the first night and I was looking forward to go home. I was over it, my head hurt, and I was uncomfortable. I really thought I was done for the evening...until I got home. It's tradition for our household to stay up when one goes through a Landmark Course. Not that it was the intention this time around, but everyone was up...along with a new face...Calen's boy interest. Perfect.

I sat down on the couch and began sharing what I got out of the day. I felt tense at first, knowing he was sitting there and listening to all my inauthentic communication secrets; BUT, it was so good for me at the same time. I began feeling relaxed and in the moment. I actually enjoyed being vulnerable like that, a way I haven't been in a long time outside Landmark, a way that I needed to be in order to push forward. I went to bed feeling great! I was ready for the next day to come.

On Sunday morning, I shared with a few about the breakthrough I had. Unfortunately, it wasn't big enough for something to finally click with me. I felt alone, being the only one who wasn't seeing the benefits of this course. I was just going with the flow of things, not really getting what I was in search of, but staying positive for the next exercise to come. Then it happened! The exercise that made me pop...

We were asked to face our partner, in our chairs, with direct eye contact and our bodies relaxed. Partner A was to say three short sentences about what they got out of the course this weekend. Partner B had to repeat the sentences back, step inside their world by saying where it was coming from, and list any concerns that were heard. I went second. I gave three sentences, they sounded good, but it wasn't anything transformational. We did it a couple times and because we finished early, I chose to make up three more. I didn't think anything would change, even if my sentences were different. I wanted to pass the time by. And, that's when I came up with the three that set in like a ton of bricks. They were:

1. Everyone wants to be in communication.
2. Everyone is afraid.
3. Being fully self-expressed is the clearing to all communication.

I instantly lit up like a popcorn kernel exploding. My partner got that I got it and couldn't believe what she just witnessed. She recreated it by repeating my sentences and said, "You want to be in communication and fully self-expressed, but you're afraid." Even as simple as it was, my walls suddenly disappeared, and I got the course in that moment. I was so excited and extremely relieved. Everything came together from the whole weekend and I felt like a totally different person. It was awesome. So much that people were approaching me left and right, saying how nice it was to "see" me and congratulating me for doing the work. I know it sounds totally weird, but unless you've been where I was and saw how I was being...you could never know. I visually and mentally saw my walls come tumbling down. Seriously, it was a sight to see and I'll never forget it.

Just so you know, this doesn't mean my walls are down for good and they never will be. It's all about having the tools, the courage, and the will to use them in every opportunity I get. I am committed to it whole-heartedly. YAY!

A Communication Weekend

I have the Advanced Communication Course: The Power to Create, this weekend. I'm really looking forward to it. I've talked to a few people about it already, they say it's very confronting, but it's the most powerful course yet. The listening of others is what we'll be focusing on. It creates a clearing for others in their communication with me, which is huge because I used to be one of those that used the "I have A.D.D." excuse when something wasn't heard or I couldn't focus on a given conversation. I know some of you don't get what I'm saying here, so let me try to explain. Think of a time where you've tried to speak to someone, but would shut down because it didn't seem inviting. They either get defensive, they don't seem that interested, or they aren't hearing what you need them to hear. This course coaches us how to step inside another's world, which gives them access to communicate effectively, and gives us the ability to see their point of view. It's like going deep inside, past the surface, and pulling out what's really going on without them even having to say it. It's amazing and I'm sure I'm going to be making some phone calls this weekend. I'm not sure who it's going be or what I have to say, but please be open to it...cause it could be any of you! Hehe.

Why language?

Imagine life without words. Our minds wouldn't be poisoned with "how things should and shouldn't be," what's "right" and "wrong," and what's "good" and "bad." Words create our insecurities, which turn into judgments of ourselves and of other people. We are the way we are because of what we told ourselves the minute our minds began to grow as a young child. Thankfully, Landmark coaches us how to use our language wisely, in causing our own life transformations, and to leave those old stories behind. If we speak it, express it, and share it, our words become reality, just as they did when we were 5...or whatever the case may be. Language is the key to happiness!

Listen up you forum graduates and "soon to be" graduates

Okay you newbie Landmark people...this one is for you! As you know going in, the weekend forum isn't a quick fix, it gets you started with a blank slate; however, life does eventually catch up and that's when you put your tools to work. Because you are blank, your mind can easily fill in the empty space, and that's why the Advanced Course is a crucial part of your transformation. This course is full of new distinctions and endless possibilities; you learn how to recreate yourself when a lack of power shows up. But, until then, you must share with everyone around what you got out of the forum. It's the only way to live it, feel it, and believe it. Life transformation can only occur in language. That's why it is crucial to do the homework during the weekend AND after. You can't quit thinking you're finished because the forum is over, that's not how "real" life works. It's all about getting complete with those around you, that is where the power lies, that is where the transformation comes from. Langauge, langauge, language...start sharing! It's the only way.

Oh and, if some of you have forgotten, I am a Landmark coach...and I'm good at it. In fact, my leader called me last night and acknowledged me for being who I am for my participants. All 5 of them are kicking ass in their lives and have become leaders in our SELP class. She wanted to know my secret, asked if I would write something up, and email it to all the other coaches. My intention here is not to "toot" my own horn...I'm just letting you know that I am here and you can call me. Use me at your own discretion;)

Pictures!

Here are some fun pictures from our photo shoot. Jill, Gina, and I had a blast! The dogs did too, they're ready for the big time;)

Me and Emmitt (Meets)

Jill and Riley

Gina and Quinn

I'll let you know when the actual Thank Dog! pictures are up on the site. It's gonna be good:)

A Perfect World

Everything is perfect. No matter what happened, where we've been, who we've been with, and what we do, it's all perfect. It's perfect because it's how we get to the next step, it's what we do with the information, and it's how we learn what life is about. Life doesn't happen, we make it happen, no matter the circumstance, and nothing is ever "right" or "wrong." It can't be. We're all different, with different point of views and perspectives; nothing is the same for everyone. That's why everything is perfect, a lesson waiting to be learned and lived by. We put our intuitions to the test to see how we adapt to any given situation, whether it's positive or negative, and go on our way. Although, it may not seem like that in the moment, there is a path of choice to follow when something occurs and that's when the lesson is either beginning or ending with a new insight. Life isn't out to get us, we're out to get life, and that's the beauty of living in a perfect world.

Messages

For the most part, I write from my own experiences, thoughts, and emotions, to share them with all of you that come to my blog. I'll also write about a conversation I had or something I heard and attach some of my own insight to it. But there are those times when I see something that inspires me to write a post. It could be positive or negative, depending on what's happening in the moment. My previous post was one of those...

I saw something that was really disturbing and I couldn't help but write about it. I had to write it out as I do with anything else that goes on in my head. I'm a blogger and that's what bloggers do and I'm not about to hold back because someone doesn't agree...or in this case, might see it. Normally, I would move on and post the next thing, but I'm going with my gut on this one and addressing something that severely needs to be addressed or egomaniacs are going to have head explosions and we wouldn't want that;)

Landmark teaches humanity and in humanity, humanitarians stand for other people. That's what my purpose was, that's what my purpose is, and that's not going to change. When I wrote the previous post, I had one intention and it wasn't to discuss how my feelings got hurt. Besides making a new challenge for myself, it actually had nothing to do with me...even though someone, of course, took it as it did. I was sending a message. I know sometimes they can be direct, it just really depends how it gets interpreted, whether one can step back and take it for what it is...or go out for a "blog" revenge. Who knows? Who cares? Who has time? Not me. End of Story.

A love lesson learned and a new challenge.

When I began this blog, I was going through all the emotions I needed to have for my life transformation. I was able to let go of everything I needed to move forward and to finally reach a place where I can see things for what they are. Since Landmark, I've had this knowledge where dating is concerned, but I haven't been using it. From here on out, this will be my new challenge. I'm going to follow my gut instincts, whether I want to or not because I know what's good for me and it's time to put myself first. There's no more of living by the "idea" of another person, it's not a successful way in choosing a partner, and I am committed to transforming this area in my life.

For the past few weeks, I've been holding back and not expressing myself because I didn't have all the "right" answers, as I said in a previous post. I couldn't understand why I always seem to give so many the benefit of the doubt, holding on to see if something is there, and setting myself up for disappointment. Do I feel I deserve that? No. Do I think I can change someone? No. So what is it? I got it. If they don't know who they are themselves, how can I know who they are? Then a light went on...it's NOT about me, it's about them. That's when I picked up the book, "The Mastery of Love," and really got what love is and isn't.

People can be so misleading. They say one thing and then do another. They lose their power in every situation because they buy into their own bullshit. They don't have a sense of what reality is, and proceed to make others believe that they do. It's almost like a split personality, they act one way for an individual or a group and then another, trying to "fit" in because they don't know how to just be. It's pure selfishness, as long as they're getting what they want, nothing else seems to be important. I'm not saying they're wrong or right, I'm saying it's unfortunate that they live in their own heads so much that they don't have the ability to step inside another's point of view. They walk through life as if they're the only one that matters, uncaring of who they hurt, even though they feel it's real love and respect. That's the scary part, the false sense of what a relationship is and what it "should" entail. It manifests into control and resentment because there seems to be no other way. I mean, how can they show their love to someone else if they don't love themselves? They can't. They mistakenly confuse love with control and domination. They don't want the other to be happy without them, so they step in to make sure that it's not so, blindly setting the other up for a downfall, unfeeling of the affect it may have on their well-being. They convince themselves and others they have changed, but nobody can change overnight, especially when self-love isn't present. The only one who can fix it is the one who gets what love is. After all, love isn't about hurting each other. It's about independence, equality, respect, acceptance, and joy. You don't have that, you don't have love, and that's all there is to it...pure and simple.

Thank Dog Twins

Jill and I have a photo shoot for Thank Dog! later today. It's all very exciting, we're working hard to make this happen and I really think it's going to. Maybe, I'll post some pictures later for you all to see...Jill and I look more alike these days...she dyed her hair darker and lost some weight. It's pretty sweet! TWIN POWER!

Back to the gym...AGAIN!

I went back to the gym this morning and it felt great! I went a few times last week too. It feels as though I'm getting back into my old workout routine and into my 4 am morning schedule as before. I couldn't have done it without Barry's Boot Camp, he whipped me back into shape and waking up that early isn't so bad anymore. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration...but at least I know I can get used to it again and being healthy doesn't seem to be that far out of reach. Woo hoo!

Who I'm being and I like it.

“Humanity,” such a broad word really. There's so many kinds of humans, you never know who you're going to get…not one person is the same. But there is something that all people have or don't have and that is humanity from within. Yep, we choose whether to have it or not, if we want it in our lives. It’s much easier not to, that’s why most don’t and go about their day as if they are the only one in existence. Some of you may not understand what I mean by this and that's okay because it took me going through Landmark to get it myself. Having humanity is being for other people, not going through life selfishly, and accepting people for who they are. Humanitarian actions are accompanied by how they may affect others, if they will push life forward, opposed to destroying anything that creates peace and happiness in our homes and within our communities. I’m so thankful to get this, knowing that I have the ability to positively affect people and make the choices that will cause good in my life and the good in others. It's actually a relief...you know, that it's not all about me:)

Well, well, well...

Guess who signed up for the Landmark Forum and doing it in February? MATT IS! He's my brother-n-law and I love him to pieces. I'm so excited, it's going to completely open up his world, he really has no idea. Matt is quite a powerful guy already, he's going to be unstoppable when he's finished. YAY!

Breakthrough

I'm still constantly learning about myself everyday. Today I had a breakthrough in an area that I felt a lack of power in and it had nothing to do with what I thought it was about. The funny thing is, all it took was for me to talk it out to Calen and I got it almost right away. The pieces to my mental puzzle came together, I saw the light, and was instantly empowered again. What happened was, for the past several weeks, I've been in search of the "right" answer and now I find out I don't need one. That little epiphany brought me back to reality...there's no right or wrong, it just is.

I went to Mammoth.

It was a fun weekend! I tried snowboarding for the first time and holy shit was it hard. I was really sore yesterday, I fell a lot on that hard snowy ground, which was not very nice to my butt. It was like the meanest jolt to my body when I'd crash, but I kept at it anyway. That's the weird thing about snowboarding, it hurts like hell but something about it keeps you going. I'd go again for sure. I'd like to graduate to a real hill. Hmmmm....those bunny slopes sure did seem steep though...hehe.

See ya!

I'm going away for the weekend and I can't wait! I'll write about it on Monday when I get back:)

Thank Dog!

Earlier this week, Jill and I finally sat down and chose the big game we want to play with Thank Dog! and we've been pushing hard since. We're working on marketing materials right now and will soon be going out and selling ourselves to the public. Thus far, the business that we've been getting has only been from word of mouth, we can't imagine what will happen when we start aggressively putting ourselves out there. For the past few months, we've also talked about expanding the company to something even more unique, offering services that you can't find anywhere else and products that coincide with the philosophy and methods we use.

With that being said, I had a dinner meeting with Julz last night. She's a good friend of mine who designs toys and also works with clients on product development and company branding. We're very excited! She's joining forces with Thank Dog!, partnering up to dive into the pet retail world, along with making us the number one resource for dog training. YAY!

TV Heaven

It was fortunate that the the premiere of "Gay, Straight, or Taken" happened to be on the same night as the OSU game, after watching them bomb any chance they had of winning. Calen was the best thing ever, we were in TV heaven! It probably took us an hour to watch it all, we kept stopping and rewinding when we thought something was funny or we wanted to see him in action again. It was AWESOME! Not only did we get to observe the "straight" Calen, but the mention of our dogs made the show, then we got to hear Josh on the phone and suddenly he appeared in the end. Nothing could've been better in that moment. After a long and excruciating evening of football, our boys were able to put a smile back on our faces. Yay Calen and Josh...You both did great!

The game was...

...terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, and terrible. I think I teared for a moment last night...I don't usually do that for football games. Wow, was it disappointing. What happened!?!

GO BUCKS!

Tonight, Ohio State and Florida will play in the National Championship game. We've got quite an evening planned, due to cheering on the Buckeyes and then watching Calen's show afterwards. A few of our friends will be coming over to join us...it's gonna be good!

Gay, Straight, or Taken?

Tomorrow is the hour long premiere of Lifetime's "Gay, Straight, or Taken" and Calen is one of the three guys on the second half hour show. He filmed it a few months ago, had a blast, and now we all finally get to see him in action. We can hardly wait! Seriously, we LOVE TV and to have our roommate be a part of a nationally televised reality show...well, it just couldn't be any yummier...we're gonna eat it up!

Another Advanced Course

I'm very excited! My parents are flying out here again in March...not only to visit us, but to complete the Landmark Advanced Course. It's a big deal. This course gives many more distinctions in life and in a way, it paints the blank canvas that is created from the Forum. They will walk out knowing who they are, how they affect other people, and will be exposed to all the different kinds of possibilities they can create for themselves. They will learn how to recreate themselves when a lack of power arises, they will get a taste of what it means to be self-empowered through language alone. Community will be present, something most lack in the everyday world, they will feel what it means to be for other people. It's awesome! I love this course so much. It's definitely the favorite within my household, it taught us a lot about ourselves and the way we interact with one another. My parents are going to love it, it's really great for couples to go through it together. You literally watch your partner transform right in front of your eyes...a truly amazing experience.

Good Gossip

I went to Perez Hilton's blog this morning and usually I'll just read and catch up on all the celebrity gossip, uncaring for the targeted, not thinking twice about their lives, and how people like us affect them. I actually got angry for a moment, the disgusting idea that has this blog being so successful. Perez Hilton, along with people like Kathy Griffin, and all the gossip magazines literally make money off of other's misery, painting them as if they don't have feelings or go through the same struggles as we do. I get that celebrities sign up to be in the spotlight, it's the path they choose, but why do we have the right to degrade them once they get there? Why do we feed off of the negative, do we feel they deserve it because they make mistakes just like every other human being who aren't famous? Yes, there are a few that intentionally do things in front of the camera for attention, but that's justification there's a problem and instead of feeding into their story, we ignore it so it stops. If the attention isn't what they hoped for, there wouldn't be a reason for them to keep doing it, and then maybe they would pull their shit together. If not, who cares!?! Seriously, I can't imagine going through a messy divorce, having a weight or drug problem, or just being in a bad space, while having the world commenting on it constantly. YES...I get that they signed up for it; however you never hear about the good that celebrities do. In fact, I remember reading about Sean Penn and Al Gore in New Orleans, rescuing survivors after Hurricane Katrina hit. Now THAT was a story that gave me goosebumps and I wanted to read more because it was so amazing and selfless of them to be there. They were being Americans, genuine human beings, that were able to step outside of themselves and give to humanity. I bet many celebrities live like this, but we wouldn't know it because it's never reported. We're too focused on them not looking their best, doing their best, and living their best. Why not take the negative and turn it into good? Why not use encouragement instead of bashing them until they can't get up again. Why not say "you can do it" instead of "you're too fucked up right now and your career is over?" That's what I'm going to do. My SELP project just took to a more focused turn, now that I know there's already "Good" web sites and magazines out there that report on world news...I was a bit frustrated when I found this out. Now, we will be the "Good Entertainment Tonight," the US "Good" Magazine, that will write all positive stories and spins about the celebrity world, to show that not everyone enjoys kicking them when they're is down. This may sound cheesy, like I'm a bit of a "star fucker," but that's okay because this could be really fun!

So...I need writers and people who want to take this on! Email if you're interested!

Happy New Year!

New Years couldn't have been better this year. It was low key; however, I got to spend it with Torri and my wonderful household. It was the first time Gina and Calen met her, I was really nervous about it, in fact, I kept making myself sick up until the time of her arrival. It's been awhile for me, introducing someone to my LA family and because of the newness and the unfamiliarity, it terrified me a bit. Thankfully, I was able to relax the minute she walked through the door. She got to meet everyone and the night went the way it was supposed to go. It was great to have her here...we even got to watch the Rose Bowl together. YAY!